Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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