I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize