New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
