Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
