I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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