i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
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If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
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I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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