Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
