dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Your cock deserves a montage
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
