We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
