How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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