I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
