No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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