girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
