I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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