So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
