Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
