My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
