You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Be still, my beating vagina.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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