my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
