It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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