You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
