Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Randomize
