Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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