Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
