the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
