Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
