I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
