Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
