I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
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