but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
