I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I did not marry a roomba.
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