Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Ketchup is God's man juice
i just made my gag reflex go away.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
