I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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