and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
