I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
