we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
