Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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