Do you still have your period?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
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