Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
So here I am, sexting at work.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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