my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
