she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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