I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Damn victory sex feels great
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
