Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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