Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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