Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
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