Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
