awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
