She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
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Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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