At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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