I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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