Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
i would one night stand the shit outta him
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
