I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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