yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
