and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
