be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
