So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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