so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
