I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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