I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
