He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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