Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
