why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
