Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
