there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
