Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
