I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
