I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
