Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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