we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
