I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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