Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
