Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
