So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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