My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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