ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
