I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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