I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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